4:12 pm - Wednesday, Jan. 30, 2002
An Alan Smithee Email.
Dear Random Person,

You know what I want you to do? Take the plot from Dude, Wheres My Car? and make it funny. Thats my challenge to you. That could of been a funny movie, if it was written by someone who knew comedy better. And you obviously know comedy, because you never cease to make me laugh. Then again, I ussually laugh at people who take themselves and "their art" too seriously. You arent any better than anyone else because you can, or think you can, write a screenplay... movies are just entertainment. The word film is no longer commercially viable, so if you're looking for one of those, where some pretentious hack writes something he thinks is brilliant, go check out an indy movie house and leave the Ebert reviewed movies to fester in potentialprofitabilityland.

I can place sluglines in their proper place, did I have any special training? No. Am I going to sell a screenplay before you? Most likely, because I know how to suspend my disbelief long enough to be able to finish a story, even if its supposedly missing a certain aspect that only a movie fanboy would pick out and put on IMDb as having some sort of inaccuracy. People want to be entertained, the commercially viable people. The people who go to movies to just pick them apart... or pick them apart and havent even seen them, or wait until they're on cable to watch them and then pick them apart, which is more likely to happen, causing them to not be commercially viable opinions, they arent who movies are made for.

The only real reason I read you, is that you give me motivation to sell a screenplay, so I can figuratively kick sand into the face of everyone like you.

...thanks mom, and for the little people, I'd like to thank Bill, for giving me the motivation to kick sand in his face. Thank you, thank you.

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