6:41 PM - Thursday, June 5th, 3002
I have an addictive personality but it translates well into creativity, so its all good... right?
Dear Random Person,
You know whats disturbing? The fact that my top five celebrity crushes seem to be in the realm of statutory rape. I think society (and the satanic media (Ask Bob Jones Jr.)) is presenting females that are way too young, in a sexual light and they're causing ideas in peoples heads that might not be right. Or I could just be putting these feelings on these people myself without any help and I just need some solid therapy. I'm fairly certain I need some solid therapy anyway, regardless of all that, but then I'd be less... doctor like, in my.... practicing of... proceedures.... and stuff. Or something. Yes. But you're probably wondering, who ARE these entirely too young celeb hotties that the good, yet entirely bad doctor is crushing on?
Well, in specific order, they are...
1. Lindze Letherman (14)
2. Robyn Richards (16)
3. Anneliese van der Pol (18~! Legal! Yay! ...well, legal everywhere except here. Damn local laws.)
4. Ashlie Brillault (16)
5. Amanda Bynes (17)
That last one is, maybe last two, kind of odd, because she isn't, or they aren't, as... um... well developed as the others on that list. I guess its their personalities that makes me attracted to them. You can tell, even though Ashlie plays bitch well, that she isn't completely one. And Amanda is a goofy chick and I dig me some goofy chicks, since they probably won't mind if you get a little goofy. Although Jim Carrey and Amanda Bynes are probably shacked up together in some secret hide away in South Carolina or somewhere like that, where the legal age is lower. I saw Leno, when they were both on, there was something there. Unless I'm projecting my feelings onto things that aren't necessarily there or real.
Because if that happened, then I could live vicariously through Jim Carrey, so I wouldn't feel as dirty, since someone else had those feelings and acted on them. I almost added Scarlett Johansson to the list, since she played the daughter in Eight Legged Freaks but then someone told me she was like 20-something, so I don't feel so bad hoping her towel would fall off or noticing her Jennifer Aniston nipple, when she put that zip up hooded sweatshirt on, or whatever it was. It was hard to take her as a teenager anyway, since she looked a little older. But that, at least, wasn't as weird as casting freaking Kari Wuhrer as a mother of a teenage daughter. I don't know, she might be over thirty but if thats true and I'm supposed to believe she would have a teenager daughter... she's, like, the hottest milf... EVER~!
Hey, speaking of milfs, not that I've been milf hunting, they just seem to, you know... be everywhere. I'm serious, the only thing more frustrating than watching hot underage girls on TV is sitting outside and the only thing you can see are milfs as far as the eye can see. You don't even have to search, they're just... right there, in front of you. Its like... where do I start? There are just so many, I can't pass this up! It's enough to make someones head explode. Since I did it with the hot jail bait, how about I do a top five milfs I've been scoping out the last couple days list?
So, here we go again, in specific, particular order...
1. Mary Hansen
2. Cheryl Rouse
3. Susan Heshcrock
4. Melissa Nerbity
5. Lacy Fouls
And just so you don't think I'm a sex addict that attracted to everyone from 14 to 54, I'd like to point out that I'm not JUST addicted to sex, I'm addicted to a lot of other things as well. Like, for example, cigarettes. I even wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it goes. Thats me in all my I've been shot, gimme two cigarettes, one to stick in the hole and the other to smoke, so I can calm down glory.
Speaking of which... can I borrow a lighter?
Best Wishes,
Doctor Andom
