6:41 PM - Monday, June 09, 2003
Who would want to steal my identity?
Dear Random Person,

You know who's going to be super hot jail bait in a few years? Carly Schroeder. You know whats funny about that? The first time I saw her, in 97, I thought the same thing. Its nice to know she's slowly progressing towards that hotness that she will someday fully achieve. 2 more years and the illegal thoughts will start. Just ain't right thinking about certain things when someone has certain things missing. But she should develop those things in two years and it'll be all good. She has that Kirstin Dunst quality, where when you see her at a young age, you KNOW she's going to be hot. Speaking of which, Kirstin Dunst was the only reason to watch the MTV Movie Awards, other than the goofy opening skit.

Boobs and goofy parodies. Thats the secret of life. And musicals. Which makes a goofy parody musical about boobs? That sounds like fun.

I got an email yesterday from Diaryland telling me that I have 10.99 days left on my gold account. I have no idea what a .99 of a day would be, so I assume, since it was yesterday that I have, like, 10 days until my gold membership expires. And this might be my second to last updating of this thing, which isn't all that big of a deal, since I've pretty much semi-retired anyway, what with the updating once every 1 to 4 months. But then again, it is nice to have this option, everyone needs a place where they can make inside jokes and direct them at random people who won't get them, as well as a place where they can express their daydreams of statutory rape, among other things.

Unless someone wants to steal my identity. That was the next email in my account after the one from Diaryland. Something about stolen identities. Do you want to steal my identity, random person? Admittedly, you don't get much out of the deal. An office in a burnt out building in Pico Rivera, CA... and there's the Andom Cave, like the Bat Cave, except without a sidekick, the only cool costume is a surgical mask and its not actually a cave but a closet located in the bedroom of a house somewhere in Alberta, Canada. Plus, there's the fact that some people in Upstate NY, will think that you are, in fact, Jesus Christ and, even though they think they're your arch enemies, they get along with you... secretly, they're probably planning on killing you one night.

But you should generally stay out of NY anyway. Try and keep on the pacific and mountain time zones, *maybe* the central time zone, if you think its safe enough. Anything east of that will get you in trouble, if you claim to be me. Although, I've found if you wear a fake moustache and call yourself Doctre Endom, as well as speak with a funny accent, people generally try to avoid you. Sometimes while people are crossing the street to avoid you, they'll look at you funny. I think this is because they think they recognize you but the disguise is so good, they just keep walking.

Well, I've only got 35/100ths of a day left, so I should get something else done.

�

�

previous - next