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6:19 in the PM (Prime Mysterio~! - Monday, November 18th 2002
Llama get down on your knees! Time for coke and softball!
Dear Random Person,

Sometimes I get some weird ass emails, I suppose people trying to out random me or something. But you know what? Disjointed things are funny. I mean, I like to walk down the sidewalk from time to time but you've got to read this email I got...

"To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BIG BOSS
Subject: YOU
Reference: LIFE

I am GOD. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do NOT need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for GOD to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in MY time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now. If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unreachable privilege. Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years. Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return. Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children. Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk. Should you notice a new grey hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine. Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking, "What is my purpose?" Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity. Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance and vicious words due to smallness and self-insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them! Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have touched their life in ways you will never know."

What the fuck, yo? First of all, this God person must be a tweeker and I mean to the highest degree. If this God person isn't snorting it, smoking it and injecting it, I'd be surprised. The reason I think this is because I didn't really receive this email from God, I got it forwarded from someone who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. SHE *was* a dopefiend addict, she's feeling much better now, I guess... its hard to tell sometimes though. Especially when she sends things like this to me. TO ME! I guess its in one of the twelve steps you go through on the recovery process. Find the higher power and then help everyone else find the higher power. I've known a few addicts who've done that. Fun little annoyances they were.

I've met God, three times before... he came in different forms each time. I assume he's either a shape shifter or he likes to posess people's souls because he was never the same person and he's always spewing out insane shit. But, I guess if he's constantly changing shape and redistributing his molicules, his brain might end up pretty twacked, even without the tweak. But how else would he have my ex's email address if he wasn't one of the people in rehab with her? I'm pretty sure they've both fallen off the wagon. Because, check this...

I'm supposed to trust this crackhead and let him solve my problems but first I've got to stop worrying about my problems and focus on the wonderful things in life. But the wonderful things in life, are? Well, for instance, one of the thoughts that you should focus on is "Should you notice a new grey hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine." I mean, dude, if someone else having cancer is one of the wonderful things in life that I should think about and have it make me feel better... this God fellow sure is fucked the fuck up.

But, whatever, I'll just put all my problems in the Writing About It Randomly folder. Thats right, the WAIR folder, as in the WAIR DA FUG DEY GEH DESE PEEPS folder because I ain't got no clue.

In other news, for some reason, I can't stop singing "Me and my Llama, going to the dentist today. Me and my Llama, going to the dentist today." over and over again, the way I'm phrasing it, you drop a funky alternative beat on it, like Primus-esque and its solid gold... but maybe its already a song someone put out. Because I noticed it wrote soooomewhere but the place I noticed it is occasionally filled with bizarre references made by the author, so it could just be random and not at all anything to do with anything of pop culture. Just to be safe, I'll refrain from recording it, to avoid copyright infringement or what have you. But thats not going keep me from singing it over and over today. Because I won't be profiting from it... unless I go out to the corner and start singing it with a hat in front of me, so people can give me money... which doesn't seem like a bad idea, actually.



Best Wishes,
Doctor Andom

 

 

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